Personal Style Isn't About Standing Out - It's About Feeling at Ease

I was stopped in my tracks this week. I was having a chat with a business coach who complimented me on my photo on my website. My immediate response? To put myself down - that I needed to wash my hair this day, how I looked a bit rubbish on our Zoom call, etc., etc. Maybe you know how it goes? Thankfully, she called me out on it. It felt quite uncomfortable to stop and acknowledge how I had been speaking to myself but I was grateful for the moment to stop and consider why I had reacted like that.

I'm sharing this because self kindness and speaking to ourselves respectfully is something I bang on about, but clearly personally I can't take my eye off the ball either. It can creep into my own inner narrative and it's something I need to watch out for and stop in its tracks next time.

That moment made me think about how easily confidence slips sometimes - not in big, dramatic ways, but in small, subtle ones. The quiet dismissals. The automatic self-criticism. This is something I often see in my work as a personal stylist. We tend to think confidence comes from how we look to others, when in reality it comes from how at ease we feel from within ourselves.

In my opinion, personal style at its best isn’t about being seen or standing out. It’s about feeling comfortable in our own skin. When our clothes support us rather than challenge us, there’s less discomfort, less self-questioning - and that ease reads as confidence.

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Looking Good vs Feeling At Ease

Have you ever been influenced into buying something having seen it online, on a mannequin or because a friend looked great wearing something similar? I have. A particular cardigan springs to mind (and you might already know, I have feelings about cardigans!). I'm sure you looked good in what you were wearing, and maybe even received compliments - yet, it just didn't feel quite right. Maybe you were constantly adjusting it or just felt distracted as you didn't feel like yourself. This is a prime example of how we can look good, but feel at odds with ourselves.

Confidence in your personal style isn't about gaining approval from those around you or fitting into trends - it's actually about feeling so comfortable and cohesive with your outfit that you're not thinking about it all the time. They feel "right", you feel great which allows you to get on with your day. This feeling will exude from you, you'll look like you're owning your style - and therefore your confidence will grow.

"I feel more comfortable now with my appearance and how my clothes can accentuate my look" - Kay, a previous client, following a Colour Analysis.

Style Personality

I've written previously about my passion for understanding your style persona/personality. It's the key to dressing with ease and clarity. It allows you to shop mindfully as you're less likely to be influenced into purchases you'll later regret. While it's nice to lean into trends occasionally it's important to only incorporate the trends which work with your style. This way you won't feel like you're dressing as someone else, it will feel harmonious.

Mood boards are a great way to work on your style personality and identify what feels right for you and what allows you to feel that inner self confidence. You can even just keep a folder on your phone of selfies, outfits which you really felt aligned with your style so that you can refer to later. These photos can provide inspiration on those days when you can't think of what to wear, but they'll also come in handy when you're trying to hone on describing your overall look.

"They have commented on the positive lift in my mood and the enthusiasm that I am showing towards moving forwards in confidence" - Judy, a previous client, following a Wardrobe Edit.

Colour Harmony

We've all spent time with friends who look amazing in a particular colour, and you know the same colour would look "off" on you. Some hues can make people looking healthy and glowing - while others look unwell. Enter, colour harmony. Colour harmony explores why certain shades, tones and hues appear visually appealing to the eye.

Wearing the right colours allows your face to be seen first, rather than the outfit or colour. If you've had a colour analysis with me you'll have heard me use the phrase

"You're wearing the colour, the colour's not wearing you."

People feel calmer and more grounded in colours that suit them. We know this. Wearing the right colours feels harmonious. When colours feel "right" we can stop being hyper-aware of ourselves, we can feel comfortable and (put simply) get on with it! This will at least be going in the right direction to allow us to exude self confidence.

A Wardrobe That Creates Permission, Not Pressure

Finally, I want to remind you that every outfit does not have to impress. This is real life! I'm writing this as a personal stylist who turns up at the school gates sometimes looking pretty scruffy! We're all busy juggling various responsibilities everyday. This again feeds back to self kindness. Our clothes need to support different energy levels, our moods, as well as the demands of our day.

There is kindness in practicality - clothes that move and allow you to feel like you. This ease allows you to be present in whatever scenario is required of you - and my hope is that this presence can then emanate as confidence.

"I feel more in control of my wardrobe now. I need to keep that up and I’m sure the business/career/relationship confidence will follow" - Kate, a previous client, following a Wardrobe Edit.

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Most of us have been taught that confidence looks a certain way. Bold outfits. Statement pieces. Being seen and noticed. But after years of working with people and their wardrobes, I’ve noticed something quieter and far more consistent. The people who seem most confident aren’t performing. They’re at ease. They’re not thinking about their clothes because their clothes are working with them, not asking for attention or approval. True confidence in style doesn’t come from being noticed - it comes from feeling settled in yourself.